All shocks, no drama. That was my rushed review of the 2010 World Cup. 'Was' being the operative word.
Let's think about it, not a lot of the football would have got you jumping out of your seats screaming at the tele or to the gods above. Even with once-great nations crashing out willy nilly, I could only really summon up the Italy v Slovakia game as one that got me 'going'. Okay, maybe John Terry got me 'going' as well, but that was through his stupidity forging dramatic license. It doesn't count.
But then, on Friday 2nd July 2010, things changed.
God Lends Out His Hand. Again.
It seems, if I wanted to drama, I'd have to wait for Ghana. A nation which I have held some subdued love for ever since this man turned up:
And when this goal showed it's beautiful face to me, I knew that the nation of Ghana was one that I would try to follow in football. Yes, this may also be down to the fact that they would never really pose a threat to England (bar 2010), and because they thought up kits like this:
Brilliant. Add to that my friendships with people from Ghanaian heritage at university, it seemed natural to adopt them as my second team this summer. Thinking about it, I've been banging on for seven years now how much I want a Ghana shirt, but will anybody listen? Will they f**k.
So, to the game. Wow plus wee. Any game that forces Clive Tyldesley to come up with household Ghanaian names before the match, and him citing Tinie Tempah and Dizzee Rascal, is a 'must watch' for me. So...
Things I Thunk About The Ghana Match.
1) Gyan. That name on it's own will be used on the football field from now on, to either (a) show a player who blows it in the last minute or (b) show a player who has the biggest balls on the pitch. Since Maradona, has one player's name encompassed such opposing meanings? Well, 'Gyan' will do for now.
2) The amount of debate surrounding the Suarez 'save' on the line is ridiculous. Anyone who's played the game or watched it for longer than ten years will understand that any footballer would do the same. And if they didn't, they should be hung out to dry by fans, friends and family. In the words of one Sid Lowe:
"Is what Henry did against Ireland, really any worse than what Suarez did against Ghana?"
Hmmm. Food for thought. But Suarez making himself out to be someone special is just the behaviour of a knob-head. Quote:
"The Hand Of God now belongs to me. I made the best save of the tournament."
No, Luis, you just did what anybody else would do in that situation, so stop trying to raise your own stock market value and shut up.
3) Should we really be that surprised about Abreu's penalty? I'm more surprised about how badly he's let himself go over the years, he looks like he should be in the Motorhead entourage.
4) Silly Muntari's goal was stupendous, and was the first to literally get me out of my seat. That's all I have to say about it. Oh, yes - I will be calling him 'Silly' from now on.
5) I couldn't have got more annoying, as every time the commentator mentioned Scotti, something repulsive inside of me had to keep adding '2 Hotty' at the end of it. Sorry.
5) Please don't tell me that Pantsil wearing one short sleeve and one long, is a calling for all the early 2000's stupid hip hop fashion sense to re-emerge. The last thing I need, when I'm desperately trying to hang on to hip hop, is more people thinking they're Jay Z at the end of the 'Girls, Girls, Girls' video, or LL Cool J with one leg of his jeans rolled up. What does it mean LL? It means you're bored, and you're trying to be different.
6) Kevin Prince Boateng has no footballing brain. I know, nor have I, but I can still say it. Ghana shouldn't blame Suarez for cheating, they should blame this lad for continuously being selfish and stupid - he could have set up three Ghana goals in this match, if he'd just looked beyond the new tattoo he's going to get when he single-handedly united Africa after winning the World Cup with a scissor-kicked goal in the last minute against Germany.
7) I'm sorry, Cavani is just like having Zlatan on the wing. What's the point? (God, I wish Zlatan was at this tournament).
Quote Of The Day.
Got to go to Paul MacInnes. Not the stabbed footballer, but the Guardian writer. When Forlan scored The Most Unskillful Freekick Of The World Cup, Paul stated:
"That ball is a colonial supremacist."
Which brings me on nicely too...
I Have A Feeling That Eusebio Is Right.
Ah, the Jabulani ball. The joker in the pack. Look at it, as it flows around the air streams of South Africa, pretty much doing what it wants.
What an absolute joke.
Diego Forlan said after the match, that "you just have to hit it really hard, because it moves."
So that's the secret we'll have to teach our kids when they're growing up, not to try to add skill and technique into your set-pieces, but to just hit it really hard. Well, sounds quite English to me, so not much change there then. But seriously, this ball is just detracting from any skill the player may have, and in turn is tainting my World Cup experience. I demand a refund!
And this in turn, may have been reflected in Eusebio's recent statements that there are a lack of great players around today. I know, it could just be old age kicking in, and the need to say "in my day" in every other sentence, but with balls like this, it can't really help, can it?
Great German Insight.
Had to flag up this story, about how the German's CIA-ed us into losing, with their agents dressed up like students from Cologne. We'd have won it, if it wasn't for those pesky kids.
Brazil Summary.
This pretty much says it all:
What an implosion. How can Felipe Melo think that he's not to blame? You're right Felipe, no need to apologise - that stamp and own goal were both truly justified by your assist in the first half. What a wally.
Anytime you bring on a full back that Spurs rejected (aka Gilberto) and have a Kaka that, frankly, looks fat - you need to revamp the squad. Yes, I thought Brazil had enough there to go and win it, but a weak group and easy run-in before this game left them without any battle-hardening.
As for the Dutch, I still believe that they actually don't look that good. Wesley has been great, and I'm still a fan of Elia, but how hard is it to figure out that Robben will never again in his career, go on the outside of a defender?
Organised? Yes. Good to watch? Not really.
Will Berti Vogts come out of the woodwork now, in line for a Germany v Holland final? I personally would have loved a Brazil v Argentina final, but the Germans going at it with their neighbours is the second best tie. Spain will go and ruin things, watch.
Quickly...
Just have to say, Sheffield Wednesday bringing in this guy:
Is the best decision since making the new Spiderman, this guy:
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