First football-related story I heard this morning, was the disturbing news that Puff Daddy (you're momma called you Puffy, I'm gonna call you Puffy) is thinking of venturing into the world of football.
It's a good job there were some cracking games to take my mind off the fact that someone, somewhere in the footballing world, will soon be hearing the whole 'Biggie Remixes' album at half time.
The Spaniards.
I knew I was in for a treat as soon as I heard that Ian Esta was playing, and it was confirmed when I saw Cesc's beard. Not up there will El Diego's just yet, but he has time.
Unfortunately, my initial excitement was pissed upon when I saw that there was one up front. Then, no Jesus Navas. Oh, and Sergio Buckets starting - making it three centre midfielders who all do the same job.
But, rallied on by the Swiss fan banging his groin against a massive cow bell, I continued to watch the game whilst on the till counter in the shop.
How many Barry teenagers and fat lorry drivers I banged on about the importance of Navas to? I lost count.
Turns out, the game somehow became the clone of Arsenal versus Stoke, or more Barca versus Chelsea. Spain, not once launching a single corner into the box, and having Ian Esta battered all over the shop, starting taking it to them once Navas came on. But that doesn't hide the fact that Puyol can be made to look like a mug by any young starlet latching onto a one-two pass. Or a long ball for that matter.
Switzerland's usual neutral stance paid off, with the type of bundled goal I thrive on seeing in the lower leagues. Nice to see there's a place for those types of goals at this World Cup as well, it truly is diverse. And Hakan Yakin still plays?! Who'd have thought the Swiss Rui Costa was still a force in that midfield?
The Spanish will learn their lesson, but the fact that there was some drama at last, just makes me think we've truly reached the proper kick-off of this tournament.
Diego Who?
Forlan. That's who. This is what he made me fink, like.
1) Forlan's first goal was a right little treat, and me Dad, almost immediately as the ball crossed the line from that smash, made the muted statement:
"Goal of the tournament. So far."
Eduardo Galeano would be proud.
2) Suarez, the little pudgy cherub, made the most of it, didn't he? But, it's always going to be a pen (therefore a red), just like it's always going to be risky thinking that Nas will make an album with DJ Premier. It will just leave you disappointed mate.
3) It seems that South Africa's Whigfield (Tshabalala, my first blog, duh?!) had been drinking his own Kool Aid (thanks Jambo). Always trying too hard, holding onto the ball for too long, and generally being a greedy guts. Just because you scored a bosher in the opening game doesn't mean you can act like a mongol now.
4) What a shame about Lodeiro. I would've loved seeing that young lad play in this game, he could've shown us all that 'hype' that he carries around with him.
5) Now what? Well, what us neutrals can look forward to is the fact that France now have to show up in their next game. If they do, we're in for a great game against Me-he-ho. If they don't, then the French may already be on their way home. That's what us British Asians call a 'vin vin'.
6) South Africa are probably out = more singing at these games?
7) Why is Edinson Cavani rated so highly? Seemed par for the course to me.
8) Another misheard name, another little giggle emerging from my tummy. I kept calling Dikgacoi, 'Rick Astley'. I laughed, anyway.
Round Two Franz, Round Two.
Typical Fabio, side-stepping the childish remarks of Franz. But, if I'm honest...I wish the Germans were scared of us. Does that country even know 'fear'?
Cross-Come-Shot Furore.
It seems the Maicon cross-come-shot story has legs, so let me address it one more time. After being picked up on my last post saying it was definitely a cross, let me make this clear:
It was a certain genre of The Cross, the bastard son if you like - the Cross-Come-Shot. Noted for its 'sitting on the fence' quality in an argument, it seems to suit this scenario.
First of all, it was a toe-peck, not an outside of the boot hit. And we all know the nature of the toe peck - it can go anywhere, and you always lied when you did one on the tennis courts at school. So therefore even young lads don't want to be tainted with the 'Toe Peck Brush'.
Second, let me just put it out there that I put Maicon as one of my favourite players of the last season months ago, so there's nothing I'd like more than to see him up there with the Carlos Alberto's of this world (okay, there is a lot more I'd like - but the phrase sits here nicely) - but there's no point giving him all this praise, not when he can score better goals and this is just wasting his time.
Anyway, as I can't be arsed to write on this anymore, I think my response to a football brainiac friend of mine, tells my side best:
"I actually said it was a 'cross-come-shot'. That's a breed of it's own mate - running at pace, a bit of worry about his balance and looking into the box, I firmly believe he hit it and hoped. We've all done it, no shame in it - just cus it swerved (rounder ball and all that) doesn't make it genius. Or a shot. Also, just cus he's done it before in a nonsense argument. PLUS: to spot the keeper off his line with your prephiral vision, at that pace, would make you a jet pilot. Not a full back."
(Oh, how awful one's grammar becomes when one is social networking, tut tut).
Punditry.
Look's like TV pundits are having a hard time at the moment, especially after Mr. Ragga Muffin got kicked off the ITV gravy train. But if it wasn't for them, who would we fill the gaps inbetween the games with? Adverts? No thanks, give me ignorant and ill-founded punditry every time.
Mind you, 'us' bloggers aren't exactly doing too well. Again, hate to 'blog' a blog, but I will - because this effects all of 'us' pious, arrogant and thick blogger types.
Mind Thoughts On Chilli.
1) Alexis Sanchez. Well, anyone with the first name of a stripper would win the ITV Viewer's Man Of The Match. But hold on...yep, this lad can actually play. He seems like a cross between Robinho and Overmars, but a bit rough around the edges.
Now, anyone worth their salt in any RPG football manager game would know that he's been tagged a 'wonderkid' since he was fifteen. But it's good to see their young wippersnapper scouts got it right this time, and the lad seems to have introduced himself to the beady-eyed scouts across the world.
2) If the game had been as boring as many I've already seen this World Cup, I probably would've made more of a 'hoo haa' over that Alvarez for Honduras. I thought he'd played at Roma as a full back, but now he's a bit like N'Zogbia in his work rate, but showed glimpses of skill, like Joe Cole in his West Ham days.
3) Chile, sporting a 3-3-1-3 formation, seem to have a team of lynch-pins. I've been banging on about Matty Fernandez ever since I saw him pulling some strings at the Nou Camp, for Villarreal. But they also have Vidal (who, for some mad reason, was playing LCM, rather than CM) and Valdivia, who was pushed up front this game, but did a job. Good boy.
4) I wonder what they've been told in the dressing room beforehand? They had so many players in the box when attacking! Almost every side they've seen so far has been too scared to go for a win, but none of it rubbed off on them - fair play, I'm always gone like a team that does that. But not in a Keegan sense, that was just silly.
5) At least we've had to wait for Matchday Five to see the first awful referee at the tournament. He seemed to be going mad before our eyes.
6) I was upset that, just as I had made a claim that Chile seemed like dark horses, 5Live were spouting the exact same statements. Great, now I look like a football trivia sheep.
Timely Apology.
Good to see people are realising that the Premier League isn't the Be All and End All for players, especially a journo. Henry Winter has come out and said sorry for all the stick that Forlan received from him at Man United. Let's hope that the generic fan in England will get over it so professionally, without using the age-old tag "well, the Spanish League is easier to play in, for a striker. I'd score a ton there." Course you would sweetheart, course you could.
Nice one Hezzer.
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