Well, here we go already - the beef is on people, we're all getting wound up nice and tight for Sunday - and this time, the Germans started it first.
When Franz said what he said when he said it, about footballers like he said about England...I've kept really quiet, but I would love it if we beat them on Sunday, absolutely love it.
Oh, hold on, apparently it was all actually a misquote, and what he said was:
"Dummerweise haben die Englander ein bissel gepatzt" which means "England messed up a little."
Cheers English Media, now I have to go back on my excellent 'Love It' speech. And put away my Spitfire.
"That Emile Heskey Is Assed Out!"
As Emile came on in the last minutes of the Slovenia game, the pub I was in became divided - with a bunch of Sixth Formers screaming in anguish, and a load of us older lot praising Fabio's nouse. All of a sudden, it reminded me of all those arguments I've had over Emile being in the England squad (not first eleven, squad) - especially one at a party I went to a few years back, in London.
Now, the lads I was gabbing to were typical Bobby's (aka a British Asian equivalent to a Barry, or a chav if you like). After deriding me for not following either Arsenal, Liverpool or Man United (yes, these are the only teams you're allowed to support if you're a British Asian), we somehow moved onto the topic of Heskey for England.
It didn't take long for the argument to descend into one similar to that one in Clockers, where a bunch of hoppers discuss the merits of Chuck D and hard rap. It seems that Emile will always be looked upon for "not scoring enough" for England, which is a fair point if that was what he's in the team for in the first place.
As they hounded at me like a pack of spikey-haired wolves, laughing at my points and generally making me out to be a tit, I had no option but to leave the pack and sulk in a corner with my Southern Comfort and lemonade - thinking that only me, Capello, Eriksson and Martin O' Neill knew what we were on about.
Really, In A World Cup Semi?
Yes, this time round we will be witnessing a semi final featuring either Uruguay, U.S.A., South Korea or Ghana. I've been partial to Underdog Syndrome many times before (Iran and England, come on), but this is just silly. One of these teams winning the World Cup would just be a re-enactment of Euro 2004, and nobody really remembers owt that went on that year.
Do we all want to be in the pub in 2016, mulling over our pints at what great passages of play the Yanks produced, or how dramatic the South Koreans made the 2010 World Cup? Do we, really? I honestly don't think anybody I know has taken the slightest interest in the teams mentioned, up until now, whereas we all know how good the Spanish, Argies and Brazil are. Jesus wept.
And just because France and Italy have crashed out, whilst Japan, South Korea and the Yanks have progressed, this does not mean there is a New World Order in football. It's like the Magic Of The FA Cup, with a top team going on to win it in the end anyway - these guys are just filling up our time until the proper teams come along.
Best React Quote.
This has got to go to 'The English Nassir Jones' - Klashnekoff.
Yes, the man behind those gentile lyrics "K, lash ya rasclat neck off...stab the beat with a dagger, the Hackney hack attacker."
After the Italy game, as those chiseled footballers let it all out on the pitch and begged for the football Gods to strike them down after a humiliating campaign, the London MC summed it all up brilliantly in one short, but sweet, sentence.
"1 mans crying with hes hands on hes face. Vexed."
He's right, I'd be vexed if England had only really started playing how they can play for the last twenty minutes of our last group game. Okay, we weren't that far off in the end, but still.
As a side note, why were the Italians and the English the most scared players at this World Cup? You could actually feel their nerves through the tele - let's just blame it on The Media.
Female Journo Has A Cry.
I have to say, I'm with Rafik Saifi on this one. You've just been knocked out of the World Cup with a 91st minute goal from a guy with a forehead the size of a football. All you can think about is how disappointed you are, how you've let your family, friends and country down (how many of us truly know how that feels?!) and the amount of stick you're going to get when you get in. Then some journo, who really has no idea how you're feeling at this time, comes poking their Algerian nose into your personal space. I think a dismissive hand gesture isn't the worst thing you could do there, and if it takes the form of a slap, well that's just your own fault for getting too near me in the first place.
Best Non-Footballing Poster.
Let's not forget the old Tory poster from this past campaign:
And now I'm going to have ten year old kids having a pop at me because their Chewits have gone up in price. Cheers politics.
Last Great Dane.
As the Danes pack up their bacon sarnies and head home, I can't help but wonder when the last great Danish player had come about. We all know the Laudrup's were the a little bit, but the country has been churning out a host of mediocre players for the best part of twenty years.
Poulsen. Rommedahl. Gronkjaer. Helveg. Jorgensen.
And that's only the start. Possibly their best player has been their goalie, Schmeichel.
Let's just hope that the likes of Eriksen and Kjaer can bring some much needed light to this dark doldrum of a once great footballing nation.
Okay, I May Have Been A Bit Harsh.
Yes, Keisuke Honda seems to have stepped it up in the last two games, and in turn as made me look like a right mug. Just as I had tipped the Italians to get to the final this year (them and the Argies, so I'm not a complete fool), I had called this lad over-rated.
(Come on, I couldn't resist putting this pic up in a Honda-themed post)
So, it seems I can add Honda to the list of Things I've Got Wrong. He's up there with my predictions on the career of the Spice Girls ("be around for a month, max"), Lil' Wayne's hip hop credentials (I'm told he's been the main 'player' in the 'game' for a while now), the movie The Descent (yes, it is very good after watching it the second time) and Danny Baker (who, in real life, is very funny and generally nice).
Dream Team For Next Season?
Well, it won't be Valencia, that's for sure. After losing Villa, and Silva looking on his way, old Barca have sneaked underneath the radar to add yet another up-and-coming star to their ranks - Juan Mata. Yes, their team will be playing like silly buggers next season - especially when this young lad can do this in front of the whole Spanish squad in warm up, leaving them all with their heads in their hands.
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