Tim Cahill.
Tim 'Yes, I Have Played For Samoa - But Only Once' Cahill.
That's the first person I thought about this morning, which did leave me slightly worried, but I went with it. All I could see was his face struggling to hold back those tears, and how it made me think of that time my mum caught me finishing a whole industrial-sized box of '94-'95 Panini Premier League stickers. It's like fully realizing what you've just done, and the full weight of the consequences come crashing down on you.
Sure, I felt sad for him, but laughed at him all the same - a little bit like how I feel watching a modern Bollywood film. Which is a damn sight more heartfelt than any typical German felt for Cahill - take Rafael Honigstein for an example. His exact response to the Cahill's sending off?
"Watch it again. No slip, no push, no excuse."
That not bad enough? He followed up with this gem.
"One foot + late = yellow. Two feet + late + from behind + no chance to get the ball = red."
Your heart is made of wax Rafa, of wax.
Best Pun.
By the Pun-meister General, James Richardson, when debating the Japan v Cameroon game, he said "I wonder if it's hard to 'Beat' Takeshi....Okada?" One for all the cinephile's out there.
Tackles To Make You Cringe.
Every game today has had at least one awful tackle, worthy of making any Leeds fan heart fill with pride. Cue my 'Dirtiest World Cup Ever' claim to come true.
Things I Thunk About The Japan Match And That.
1) Next season, Steve McLaren will find he has a pretty tidy midfielder in Makoto Hasebe, who did his really boring job really well.
2) Fair play to 'Beat' Takeshi for sticking to his moody guns, as the Beeb's Lawro persisted in berating the lad for not still being in the throws of celebration - five minutes after Japan had scored. It's been five minutes Mark, if Fabio was still celebrating five minutes after we'd scored, I'd think we'd have gotten a mad man in charge.
Lawro even described 'Beat' as being so moody that he looked like he was "walking in the city after selling some shares" and then, after seeing the replay of 'Beat' celebrating at the moment of scoring, kept on his racist tangent by being so sarcastic that I wanted to smack the tele.
3) That Honda is seriously not that good, and it's not down to the service, he's just not impressed in the full two games I've seen him in - so that makes me an expert. He's as good as that Ziani. Next Big Things my arse, they've just got good PR people.
4) I find watching the Japanese play is ultimately more enjoyable if you listen to Marco Polo's 'Port Authority' album at the same time. Those beats, their hairstyles and two lines of four at the back make for a perfect mix.
5) I think the Japanese back line would have had a much harder time if Vince Aboubakar got a chance to come on, and if Sammy 'One Of My Top 3 Favourite Strikers' Eto'o played up front. I know coaches are scared not to lose in the first game, but why is young talent like Eriksen, Adiyiah, Elia and Aboubakar consigned to fifteen minute appearances? The same happened to Ronaldo in 1994, jesus.
6) It's horrible to see such a tragic man like Le Guen on the sidelines looking so lost, yet ernest. He had so much potential, and that Lyon side played some of the best French football I've seen.
The U.S.A. Team's Greatest Enemy?
Their newspaper editors.
Our Worst Enemy.
Talksport. I heard someone on there today say:
"Germany are much more free flowing now, because they have a much more multicultural society now."
Where do you start with that? How come we're so rigid then? Was German society so robotic in the 1990's? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Punditry.
As Patrick Viera's head becomes more and more like a peanut resting in a spoon, Mr. Davids continues to look cooler and even more stoned.
After describing the Dutch team's first half display as "like reading a book - predictable", I can only say to Edgar that, although you look cool mate, you need to clear out your library and get some Cormac McCarthy up in the mix.
Useless, But Nevertheless Interesting Knowledge Of The Day.
As Henry Winter sat Twittering away in South Africa, he came across some interesting news about Ryan 'Jiggy' Giggs' eyesight. It seems he's been playing on the left wing for so long now, that his left-sided peripheral vision has decided to shut down and he needs to re-align his eyes if he's to play more central next season. I wonder if he's had problems crossing the road...what am I on about, players are so rich now that they have big, wide men to carry them over roads, crossing, streams and rivers.
Well, I thought it was interesting anyway.
Team Talks Summed Up In A Funny Dance.
I can honestly watch this over and over, especially at how nonplussed the Danish team look.
Things I Thunk About The Dutch Match And That.
1) The Netherlands have the best 'impact' players off the bench in this World Cup. I mean, look at this:
Ridiculous. Eljero Elia looks quality (even if he likes a racist live video stream now and again, but who doesn't?), so expect someone like Liverpool or Valencia to snap him up soon as. Alongside him they have Afellay, who I've heard so many good things about (and remember him hitting a right bosher in the Euro's), and Ryan Babel...who they will use in the right way, unlike Mr. Benitez.
2) I actually want Elia to be good, because it gives me an excuse to buy a FC Hamburg shirt for my trip to there this August. So come on laddy, do a goal!
3) That centre back Kjaer should definitely move to Man United, as he's cloned out of the same footballing mould of Rio Ferdinand. Tap the ball forward a few yards, pretend to look comfortable on it, and end up launching sixty yards to a winger or a big man. Pathetic.
4) The Dutch should play one or the other - Van Der Vaart or Sneijder. I think we all know which one we'd opt for, as Rafael seems like a bit of a dick and plays in a greedy manner (a little bit like me in 5-a-side Power League).
5) When will Denmark stop living up to their 'We're Simply Making Up The Numbers' tag that I've just given them?
Vuvu Notes.
So, the horns are here to stay. I get it, but just a quick point - this is a quote from a South African on how the vuvuzela is Africa's great hope for people remembering this World Cup:
"I feel like an African when I blow the vuvuzela."
How awful is it that? A nation's pride and identity lies in an object that makes a tuneless sound with no rhythm or emotion. The exact opposite of what Fela Kuti stood for. He'd be gutted right now.
As an example, this video shows the weakness in that argument. People are striving so much to have fun with the constant tooting, that they even try to invent some sort of to-and-fro dancing routine to it. You can't dance to it mate, only bounce up and down like Bez.
And the fact that people actually say "you only hate them, because you don't have on" only makes me want to stick that vuvuzela up their arse and then blow on it. In the nicest way possible.
The Italians.
Bar a poor first half, I still think they're worth a shout for the final - second half and a continental 4-4-2 made them look half decent. That Pepe looks a threat, but other than him they'll need Pirlo and his bushy mane soon as. As the Italians have pretty much the same side that they've had for the past 800 years, I can't think of much more to say about them. Come on, you lot know about football - they're always 'there or there abouts'.
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