World Cup 2010: It's So Excitiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Right now I'm the most excited man in Langold at the prospect of 32 nations going 'at it' in South Africa this month. Bar the theft of my England flag, there's not a lot that could dour my spirits at the moment - football is on the menu, and I'm ordering the full four course meal.

For me, this World Cup isn't about the first being held on the Motherland's soil (although I am looking forward to the African footballing disease of funny goalkeeping and lunging tackles to catch on), it's not about ITV shipping out another awful Fantasy Football Special for me to puke up my childhood memories on, it's not about the new ball or THAT Nike advert, it's not about Spain playing cartoon football at the group stages and coming unstuck at the hands of those wiley Italians, and it's not about the Sun endlessly telling us to BELIEVE.

For me, this World Cup is about one man.

El Diego.

I mean, look at him.

Now imagine him as England manager.

That's what the Argies have to look forward to - a manmade excuse/solution to their barren spell in international football. He's used 108 players since he's been in charge. He's put one bloke in the squad solely on the basis that he had a dream about winning the World Cup, and this player was the only one he could remember. He's left two Champions League winners, and top performers, out of the squad.

And he's kept my school look-alike in.

Most people hate Diego. I don't. Without him, us England fans would never have had the tried and tested blame game to play - from Koeman and Brolin, to Ronaldo and Simeone. Also, I'm sure most fans revel with this chip on our shoulder. Fans are stupid that way. We also would never have seen how the modern footballer would turn out. El Diego led the way in decline, humour, tragedy and political satire.

I can't wait to see him on the sideline, hopefully with cigar in tow, swearing through national anthems and putting on all six of his international class strikers. And I especially can't wait to see what happens if and when Argentina lose to Brazil. Oh, and will he belly flop on the floor again?

The man could be the first since Der Kaiser to lift the World Cup as manager as well as player, and I'd much rather him than the awfully dressed Dunga. A Guile haircut shouldn't been seen near the trophy in my opinion, and no man should be dressed by his daughter. Yes, El Diego has looked to mess it up many a time, and still could - but there's something about his 'squad of no full backs' that's makes me think he could steer them to the final. Then lose.

But then again, there's something about El Diego himself which makes me think the whole squad could be going home before July after Walter Samuel and Gabriel Heinze retain their form from their Real Madrid days and Messi is played in midfield.

As for the rest of the 31 teams, here are my predictions.

Winners: Brazil, playing more tiresome football than in 1994 and grinding out a win on penalties in the final against either Italy or Argentina. Spain will poetically crash out in the quarters after (as Tim Lovejoy puts it) not having a Plan B, and constantly play mesmerising football without actually putting the ball in the back of the net.

England: Will get to the semi's after a relatively easy run in. Rooney will be our top scorer, but injury and growing tabloid pressure will render him useless against the Brazilians. This will then propel all England fans and newspaper editors to believe we have a good enough team, and credible league, to win the trophy before the 2042 World Cup in India.

Top Goal Getterer: I've followed enough World Cups now to realise this topic is a mugs game. Who bloody knows, it could be anyone from Robin Van Persie to Nikola Zigic.

Player to watch: Well, it would have to be Jesus Navas for me, closely followed by Gregory Van Der Wiel.

Player who I'd like to see get games: Aside from Aaron Lennon, it would have to be Christian Eriksen.

Surprise of the tournament: I've had an inkling that Serbia might do something, but that's like saying an African team will reach the final of the World Cup before 2022. So no, it won't be them then. Okay okay, the surprise will have to be El Diego actually showing some management nouse throughout the month. On and off the field.