World Cup 2010: Now THIS is a Group Of Death.

It's not even started yet, but already I'm sick to my well-worn back teeth of being told the same old thing, either by the robots on Sky Sports News or the 'Come-On-England-I'm-in-the-pub-instead-of-work-so-I-can-have-a-go-at-Capello-first-we-can-win-it-if-we-had-an-Englisman-in-charge-Heskey's-a-donkey-and-I-still-hate-Owen-Hargreaves' fan in the pub, that this is this years Group Of Death:

GROUP G

Just because you can't be bothered to actually look past the flags and your meagre knowledge of the past three World Cups, and you've just outlined your argument after reading a preview in the Sheffield Star and Four Four Two, doesn't make it wholly right.

If you look closer, I think you'll find that THIS is a Group Of Death:

GROUP D

Now, my argument is two fold.

1) In Group D, you'd be hard pressed to pick a clear front-runner and eventual winner, not without seeing the first round of games anyway. In Group G, there's Brazil. That's all you need to know.

2) In Group D, you'd be a brave man or butch lady to tell me the team that will come bottom. In Group G, there's North Korea. Yes, the team that tried to smuggle in an extra striker by disguising him as a goalkeeper.

Okay, I'll grant you the fact that Brazil v Portugal will be the clincher in that group, but only just as much as England v USA is in our group (2-1 England by the way). I don't see Sven modelling his Ivorian Army in any threatening form to be honest, with Gervino not international class just yet and with players with silly names like 'Yapi Yapo'.

The key for Portugal doing well will be the form of the back two, in Ricky Carvalho and Bruno Alves, and the use of Danny (now that Nani's injured). Fuck Ronaldo, he will perform because the camera's are on. Oh, and if Raul Meireles can add anymore tattoos to his torso, then he might scare some defenders into letting him bag a goal or two.

In Group D, EVERY game will be fascinating.

Things to look forward to in Group D:

1) The Germans versus the Aussies. Who will us English punt for? That in itself is a fascinating insight into the mind of the Englishman - do I go for a sports mad, but backward bush-wacking gallah, or the guys who nicked our Three Lions song? Hmmm.

2) With a little bit of research I found that the Aussies met the Germans in the 1974 World Cup, and promptly lost 3-0. I can smell that cold dish of revenge right now.

3) Will Sully Muntari prove that he has moved on from his Pompey days? This is his time, he has to take it, especially now that Michael 'I'm-the-best-in-the-world-in-my-position-and-I-like-to-have-a-ping-at-goal' Essien is out.

4) Toni Kroos establishing himself as a German national team regular, and therefore branding himself has a hate figure in all of England.

5) The amount of players ending with '-ic' in the Serbia team that we'll take away remembering fom this World Cup. It'll be like the Red Star Belgrade show all over again, with Milan Jovanovic and Milos Krasic looking awesome on the wings, they have Dejan Stankovic and Nemmy Vidic to hold their spine together. Not literally, of course.

6) The sparks that could fly if Kwadwo Asamoah and Dominic Adiyiah combined well for the Black Stars. These guys look quality, even if the manager insists on playing one up front.

7) Mesut Ozil being kicked all over the shop. If you're going to insist on playing a dwarf playmaker, make sure he's Hagi or Messi. Not this guy.

8) Zoran Tosic and Gojko Kacar running the last group game against Australia.

9) Carl Valeri getting a game for Australia. Known as 'Mini-Vinnie' by the rest of the squad, because he also plays in Serie B, like Vinnie Grella. The traditionally hilarious Aussie humour coming out there.

PS - as a side note, I keep hearing this cheeky things about the Uruguay team, mainly from the Guardian pundits (who I think might just be trying too hard). I thought they only had Forlan and Suarez (a legend in my Pro Evo Master League Ajax team), but there's a young lad called Nicky Lodeiro that's touted to shine. I thought I recognised the name, and I was right - looking back at my footy mags, it seems World Soccer had cottoned onto him last year. Lovely stuff. Still, they won't do owt if they're as inconsistent as they were in qualifiers. So there.