Now, I know I'm not the only one who's thinking this, but - why are we thinking, let alone talking, about penalty shootouts four days before an England match?
That says a lot about our mind-sets, doesn't it? I know the brainless issue of shootouts might appeal to a numbskulled troglodyte Sun-ite, but does it seriously merit this front page?
Ignore the awful headline (it's not even clever), and the fact that this front page story is based on a Sun Survey (so, that's some guy with a whippet in a pub in Essex that has gathered the statistics) which proves the Germans are 'wurst' at pens than us, but look at the six-inches long story on the far left hand side (yes, zoom in).
There's something wrong in this country if the death of four British servicemen is nudged to the corner of the front page of the Nation's Best-Selling Newspaper, by a story about the England team's history in penalty shootouts.
Get over it lads, we're not very good at pens and that's that. Brazil aren't very good at defending, but you don't see them banging on about it constantly.
A Glitch In The Matrix.
That's what David James is. He's an anomaly. An aberration.
I mean, look at this pic:
It says everything. The guy is obviously intelligent, very articulate, confident and sensible. In fact, I'd have him speak at my first child's birthday party. But on the pitch, he becomes a right silly twat - a bit like how he gets in a studio to do shoots like the one above.
What happens to him? Which group of us is he fooling exactly - his supporters, or his critics? I'm not sure, but I think if you figure that out, you figure the streets out.
Funny, Small French Man.
So, Patrice Evra has decided to blame the vuvuzela's for the French World Cup campaign. All I'm going to say is, he was there, we weren't - so who knows?
Oh, and I honestly think Patrice would be a great shout to play Napoleon in any upcoming movie - he has that aura about him. Or is that just me thinking that he probably has a Napoleon Complex?
Mick's Parasite Football.
Mick McCarthy was a punditry revelation during the Brazil v Portugal match. The game was so annoying, he at one point even said that he hoped for an elbowing incident, just so that they had something to talk about. Now that's dedication to the cause.
But his Tour De Force was when he described the Portuguese team as playing 'parasite football' - they were merely feeding off any mistakes that Brazil made.
He's absolutely right, and seems to have coined a phrase that describes that type of football brilliantly. I now intend to use this phrase throughout my life, and may even bend the rules and use it for other things such as 'parasite music' or 'parasite filming'.
Moving onto the parasitic team itself, I'm left feeling a little strange that Portugal have got through to the next round due to one freak result. I know, England are similar, but at least we didn't get our own hopes up by winning 7-0. At this moment in time, Portugal remind me of a Big Sam Allardyce team, but instead of Jay Jay they have Ronaldo.
The fact that the BBC decided to have an opening package for this game, consisting of heavily edited sequences of balls being dribbled every three minutes, only made me doubt the fact that this match would be any good. Oh, and I also agree with Seedorf that Ronaldo is not yet an all-time great (due to the fact he hasn't carried a team at the top level - a bit like Messi is doing in this tournament). So, to all you Premiership fans: HA, IN YOUR FACE! Even Drogba's a better leader than Crissy Ronaldo!
As For Those Brazilians.
I told you they needed another creative force behind the striker(s). Baptista was such a waste of space, and bar some nice passes here and there, he was like Duncan Ferguson in the middle of the park. Okay, not as tall, but having the same effect in that position.
And you have to question a striker who describes a goal that he hand-balled twice, as "one of the most beautiful I have ever scored." Yes, Luis Fabiano, I'm on about you.
Golden Bench Prize Winner.
No matter how nice Leonardo is outside of football (ahem, that elbow in '94 anyone?), it seems the job at AC Meelan was beyond him. So, Massimiliano Allegri (what a great first name) is the man in charge of Ronnie & Co.
Looking at his CV, his attacking style lead Cagliari to ninth and twelfth place within two seasons in Serie A, bagging him the Golden Bench Prize on the way. But is the Meelan job a step too far for him? I happen to think so. I mean, it's like Roy Hodgson being appointed as Liverpool manager.
Oh.
Feelings For Chile.
Before I harp on about how bad I felt for Chile during the Spain match, let me just say:
1) I love their training top. I want one...it's my 30th this year, so I've dropped the first big hint.
2) ITV's lurid ninety seconds of television is just not on. Before an advert break, Adrian Chiles piped up with "before we go, we're just going to leave you with a decision to make" and we were presented with these two ladies:
Disgusting. ITV, you are a big, fat, pompously chauvinistic pig. As the shot lingered on the women for all ninety seconds, not one person in the studio said a word ( I think Edgar was still stoned though, so that's his excuse). You could almost hear Chiles lathering up and getting ready to release his man-fat. Somebody should write a letter....even so, send your answers on which one on a postcard, or in the comments section below.
3) Yes, Another 'Most Disturbing Thing This World Cup' Addition:
Ignore the uncomfortable feeling you get whilst you're watching this, as well the desperate aspect of ITV trying to 'capture the World Cup atmosphere', and ask yourself - what insight does this interview bring to me about being a Spanish fan?
Okay, so your team is brilliant - we get that. What's that, you have to win? I think we gathered that by looking at the group table. Ah, you say you have a great side? That's a bit like your first point really, isn't it? Oh, I see, so now you're going to just continue speaking gobbledygook so that we all laugh at the funny foreigners on our screens.
No thanks, piss off to the game, where you'll no doubt ruin some poor bastards match experience by blowing on your ruddy vuvuzelas.
Now, onto the match itself. I was buoyed by the news that Chile had warmed up with a full fifteen minute keepy-uppy session before the game, so I was hoping for a nice fair game of football.
But football is far from fair.
I was amazed at how fluid the Chilean formation was, even more so than their first group game. At some points, their right backs were playing attacking midfield, and the way they kept possession from Spain was mind-bottling. Even how they harried the Spanish off the ball constantly made me yearn for England to play like this on Sunday.
But then it all went pear shaped, coming from something sublime and cocky from David Villa, accompanied by a harsh sending off. At least they're through now though, and they even bought on Rodrigo Millar - who I only mention as he's know as the 'Little Clown' at Colo Colo, and celebrates his goals there by donning a comedy red nose. That's classic Lenny Henry.
Team Of The Group Stages.
Eneyeama
Maicon Kjaer Tulio Coentrao
Sanchez Ayew Ozil Messi
Forlan Villa
Coach: El Diego
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