Channels 781 & 833

Tune into channels 781 and 833 on your Sky box, and you'll be greeted by the friendly smiling brown faces of the Bollywood fraternity.

But the times they are a-changing, and don't us second-generation British Asians know it? Not only do we have to skip through dozens of music channels at thumb-cracking speeds, but the only opportunity we get to spend quality time with the parents is in front of the television. Thanks social networking.

In this bastion of comfort zones, the television used to keep our paternal ties steady and consistent. But beware, this traditional family time is coming to an end people.

Thanks to channels 781 and 833 (I can't move myself to recite their actual names, such is my disgust) we now may have to actually chat to our elders. For no longer is there the traditional absurd fight sequence, the typical Indian dance, or (at a stretch) the warm neck snuggling - now we have women and men who think it's fine to actually bring sex into our living rooms. All before 10pm.

This 'new' form of entertainment is a true student of the 'sex sells' school of marketing. I'm not a lone voice. I've heard plenty of young British Asians voicing their disgust at such a mess, with brown ladies daring to show their legs, waist and cleavage. And the men! Don't get us started!!

There's me thinking, long gone are the days of fumbling for the remote when Jason kissed Kylie on Neighbours - all whilst my parents watched on. But no, now we have to witness our own kind doing the same thing - leaving us with the ultimate low in Asian family entertainment. The Indian news channel.

Something must be done about it, and now. MTV Base and Kiss know how to sell 'sexy', so sell it to us whilst mum cooks the roti. It's simply not right to be using the same model to disturb our precious family time.

Super, god!

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

That's Homer Simpson's religious tenacity at large, but look deeper and you'll find more than your fair share of reality in his plea.

Imagine you, mum and dad shuffling off on Super Sunday to pray for a just man of steel, one who is for equality and can never really die. Imagine that, with your toy figure in your hand and your eyes clenched shut in some hope He can hear your mumblings amongst a room full of craving mumblers.

Well, my thinly veiled attempt at bringing some light to the world of religion may not be a work of enlightening genius - but it says a whole lot more about the world we live in now, than any 800 year old book.

Spurred on by personal events, a red-flagged book list, an inspiring city, and Larry Davis' latest work - Religulous - my own ideas are being put to paper in a series of writings I'm hoping to expand. Look out for the name 'Swison Nofton'.

Well, Come All

“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them."

There. That's my first post. On my first blog.